Oh no! My comments about “50 Shades” offended some people! Bite me. I’m offended by cloaking abuse behind “romance” and women letting it happen instead of being disgusted.
In spite of some of the cheesy articles written about it, consent in 50 Shades is a joke. Signing a contract to things you don’t understand isn’t consent. Enticing or pressuring a woman to say yes isn’t consent and if you think it is, it means you still don’t understand consent.
The BDSM contract Anastasia signs in 50 Shades is not something a safe, sane, consensual person would offer to a neophyte like her. Its way above her experience and safety level and Christian spends most of the movie pressuring her to sign it anyway: THAT ISN’T CONSENT. He refuses to even have a real vanilla relationship with her and take it slow (which is the romantic thing to do), rather he continues trying to force her into a relationship she doesn’t really want, using her love against her. That isn’t consent, it’s a form of rape. Part of the reason we have so much trouble teaching consent is that rape is a multi-million dollar industry and too many women are supporting it without a second thought.
Consent happens without a contract, without pressure or enticement. It is a mutual agreement that happens overtly and safely between people who know what is going to happen before it happens, it isn’t wearing someone down until they finally do what you want.
It really isn’t that hard to say, over dinner “hey honey, tonight when we get home, let’s make love.” It’s sexy and cool to start an invitation back to your place with “I would like to make love to you, come back to my place?” It is amazingly sexy, during a make-out session, to pause and say “I want to fuck, do you?”
Consent: Its not hard, its not “unsexy,” it doesn’t “kill the moment” and its the right thing to do. Watching or reading 50 Shades? Not so much.
In my experience, the author EL James is a kind, pleasant woman aware of how blessed she is. The stories are rapey nonsense that should never have left the safety of a blog.